(The boyfriend and I were having a discussion about the upcoming judgement day)
Me: Should I bring sandals? I guess that's what JC will be wearing, so it should be fine.
Him: He shows up wearing sandals with socks.
Me: Brown sandals with black socks! I'm throwing up everywhere and Jesus is like, " Dude! Come on!"
Him: I didn't know Jesus was German.
(Abbey and I talking about how our clothes don't fit us while getting ready to attend our friend's aunt's funeral)
Me: Everything is too big. I'm using safetypins to hold my pants up. I look like a hobo.
Abbey: Dude, I'm wearing maternity pants. (she's not pregnant anymore)
Me: At least we look bad together.
Abbey: Yeah, everyone will think it's so nice that Alli's homeless friends came out to support her.