Thursday, May 5, 2011

Locating My Inner Ugg-O. (the unpleasantness within)

I was basically the same size all through high school. Let me start with that. I never got taller and thinned out, I got taller and just a little bit fatter, everything with me seems to happen in proportion…which is mostly good. I’m a very proportionate person, thank you jeebus, and I’m pretty tall (5’9”) so people never really think I weigh as much as I do.

Also I never developed a “spare tire” to keep me from drowning,

or a “pooch” to fill out the front pocket of my “mom jeans”.

I’ve never been that unfortunate pear shape, or triangle shape, or big old hot air balloon shape.

I’m lucky. I know this.

The point of this is that I’ve always looked this way. There was maybe a 2 year span where I was way fatter than I’ve ever been (*cough* bad relationship *cough*), but that didn’t last (again, thank you cheezus), and I was so up and down during that whole time that I never got used to myself that way.

So now I’m thinking to myself, “Self? What if you don’t like how you look when this is all over?”
Stupid, right? I know this, but this thought has actually crossed my mind once or twice.

As of right now I am approaching the smallest I’ve been since high school, and beyond that is going to be the smallest I’ve been ever.
You know, except for infancy and all that. Heck, I was a fat baby, but it’s socially acceptable and even cute to be a fat baby. Not so damn cute now, IS IT?!

Anyways, you know how some skinny people have a fat person living inside of them that can sometimes come out and amaze the world with their ability to put away mass quantities of food? Or how some fat people have a skinny person inside of them that gains control of their brains and convinces them that skinny jeans, and a belly shirt are a REALLY GOOD IDEA?! Well, what if my skinny person is really ugly, and is in there just waiting to jump out and boogie man the whole world?

Just sayin…


  1. I think maybe we're all a little afraid of our weight loss, whether we realize it or not. For some of us it's new territory (what the hell will I even look like thin??); for some, it might be going back to an unhappy time (last time I was this weight, I was dating _____ and he was such an assbag...); it might be not knowing how you'll handle being at goal (what am I going to do now?). So, I think your post is a good reminder for us to watch out for self-sabotage.

    What I think we all need to remember is that being healthy and fit is going to be awesome.

  2. it is going to be awesome!
    and can I just tell you how happy it makes me to know that someone else out there also calls people assbags?
    i love it.