Being a D*ck, and why it works for me.

I’d like to start off this post by saying that I do not like being told what to do.

Maybe that’s not completely true. The whole truth is that I almost psychotically do not like being told what to do. Know what I mean? In the face of stern instruction I become defiant, much like a small child. I’m not much of a kicker and a screamer, but I will quietly pour a glass of wine on your white carpet.

Obviously, I can’t say that I’ve never been called an asshole.

Some of you may be saying, “No one likes to be told what to do, so get to the point.”

I’ll take it one step further. I get defiant even when I tell myself what to do. This is where we enter crazy, crazy land a little bit. I don’t have a split personality, but I get defiant with myself when I tell myself what to do. Now that I look at it spelled out, it sort of looks like I might have a split personality. I’ve made a note to bring it up at my next therapy session.

Anyways, this little quirk of mine makes dieting difficult because what is dieting? Dieting is changing your habits. Dieting is changing your lifestyle and your routines, right? So obviously there needs to be some lines drawn.

·        You cannot eat that whole pizza.

·        Stopping at McDonald’s is not an option.

·        Lifting the tv remote is not enough exercise for today.

Things like that. You get the point.

If I could kick myself in the shin and then run away from myself while laughing and eating an entire pizza I probably would, but I can’t.

Obviously.

Now, maybe this isn’t true for everyone, but it is totally true for me. Trying to deny myself things while I’m dieting doesn’t work. In the face of authority I tend to be a binger. What that means is that if you tell me not to do something, I’m not only going to do it once, I’m going to do it 12 times with one hand so that I can use the other to flip you off. I will eat pizza while I’m dieting, I will drink beer, and I will eat candy.

That being said, since I started dieting I have been steadily losing weight.

How I make this work for me is by not setting too many rules for myself. Really the only rules that I’ve set have been to stay within certain calorie boundaries for the day, and to do a work out a couple nights a week when I feel like I can. If I make this too strict, and I stress myself out about it then I’m going to fail. I’m going to tell myself to f*ck off.

Luckily, I enjoy healthier foods. I love a good salad, a flattened chicken breast with lemon pepper, and tons of veggies. Cutting out fast food wasn’t a problem since the only fast food I find myself eating these days is Dunkin Donuts, but even then I was only getting a bagel with cream cheese, and an unsweetened iced tea for breakfast.

I’m managing it the same way that I manage my money from month to month. I have a calorie budget, and I keep track of everything online (or sometimes in a notebook). Gotta love those cluster B personality traits, because my thinking is very black and white. If something is written down (or otherwise recorded) in an organized and aesthetically pleasing way then my brain tends to view it as fact. It’s not being told what to do, it’s just how things are.

Right now, as I’m typing, I’ve got two bags on my desk. One is full of kale chips I made a couple days ago, and one has a handful of M&M’s and a starburst in it. I already know that what is in that bag is my candy limit for the day, and I also know that if I’m stuck at work a little late and there is none left when I start to get stressed out I’m going to be really pissed off. So I’m budgeting them.

I’m budgeting everything. Writing everything down. Tracking everything.

Being obsessive and super involved in my own progress is what’s going to keep me interested, and working towards my goals.   

How are you doing it?