Grr... Argh..

So here's what's pissing me off. I've been losing and gaining the same five pounds since July. It's freakin November, people! I've been fluctuating back and forth between 164 and 169 like it's my job and I'm getting sick of it. The part that really makes me mad is that I don't have anyone to blame but myself. It's like that video of the guy who got caught on the surveillance camera walking into a glass door with a cup of coffee. The coffee explodes all over his suit and he's looking around for someone to blame but there's no one. I feel like that guy. Can't blame this ass on anyone but me....

I need motivation.

So.... I'm here for the party?

It's Monday again. How does this keep happening? I swear it was Friday evening like 8 minutes ago. I blinked and when I opened my eyes back up I'm sitting in my office. 12:21 pm on a Monday.
A fucking MONDAY for god's sake!!
My ability to cope with this weekday shenanigan bullshit is just not at the level that it should be for normal functioning as a productive member of society. Maybe no one knows my secret though...
I sometimes wonder if I came to work with my underwear on the outside, or a face full of orange tiger paint like a little kid at a county fair, if anyone would really notice. I think I could probably get through most of a day before someone stopped me and said, "You've got a little something...right there." No one pays attention. We may not all hate it here (it's not that bad of a place), but we all like ourselves better when we're not here. That much I'm sure of.
Just put your head down and power through. Friday (much like the south) will rise again.

It was a busy weekend everyone. Friday night I went and got a haircut. My first real haircut/style in probably ten years. It's a good change. It needed to be done. Now I actually have to do something with my hair instead of just tying it up all the time.

Saturday was the super 80's rollerskating birthday party for a friend. Wasn't rollerskating big in the 70's, not the 80's? Either way. Rollerskating we went in all of our fabulous 80's gear. Looking like a big bag full of John Hughes' rejects. Rejected for a good reason too.

 

 Later that night there was karaoke and quite a bit of boozing to be had... which of course leads to me wearing a mullet wig.

Next came Sunday which was a day of helping my future ex-husband buy some grown up clothes for an upcoming job fair. It was also a day of intense back pain. Apparently going rollerskating isn't great if you've been having back issues. Who knew?! 

Also, I'm an idiot. I knew it was a bad idea but I did it anyways. I'm better today. Hitting the chiro the end of the week THANKFULLY before next weekend's Halloween pub crawl through Boston. 

As far as dieting and weight loss goes....

Yeah. 

I was down a couple pounds, but as of this morning I'm back up some. Could it have something to do with the heavy drinking and cake eating? Possibly...

I also didn't get to the gym all weekend, so I'm going back today. My plan is to get there every day this week with the exception of Friday because that's when my chiropractor appointment is, and then the out of towners arrive for the pub crawl and we are doing a mini "pre-pub crawl" pub crawl through Worcester Friday night. It's a lot like training for an event. You can't just jump in and be the best. You have to put in some time. Build up those muscles.....

Go for the gold(schlager)?

   

Freaking Finally!

I finally did it. I re-joined the gym. After a weekend of pizza, beer, Chinese food, and birthday cake my whole system is on the fritz. It's a time for action. I did the whole online sign up thing this afternoon and I'm planning on making my first visit this evening. I can't decide if I should go right after work or if I should wait and go later on tonight when it's going to be (maybe) less crowded. Thankfully they are now open 24/7. I'm VERY excited!

I have to go home and take some more "before" pictures!

Can't get my balance, and for once it's not from drinking

Here's my weight loss blog update.

I haven't lost any weight.

To be specific, I haven't lost any MORE weight. I also haven't gained any so I guess it's not too bad.

Here's a couple other things I haven't been doing:

the dishes

exercising

cleaning the bathroom

plucking my eyebrows regularly

taking in my work pants so that I can stop looking like a hobo

Here's what I HAVE been doing:

work

schoolwork

driving to work

driving home from work

making Halloween costumes

I have to change this but I'm struggling.

I think the hardest part for me is that when I started dieting it was so easy. I literally just decided that I was going to do it and then I did; for like six months. I changed my eating habits a little and dropped 38 pounds. I logged everything I was eating, I counted all my calories, and I tracked my weight loss by the week. BUT NOW...

I can't seem to remember to log my food. I haven't gone back to eating like I was before, but I'm not paying attention to every calorie either. It's not that I can't remember, it's that I can't seem to convince myself that it's important. What's that about?

The added responsibility of school in the last 8 weeks is my biggest issue. I know that I have time to do both, but I'm so paranoid that I'm going to fall behind that I'm not setting any time aside to exercise. Of course I've spent countless hours sewing these Halloween costumes, but that's because there's a deadline on that. No deadline on the weight loss thing.

I can't figure out how to get my brain back in the game.

I'm trying today though.

For the first time in two months I logged back into my Fitwatch.com account and logged my food. I also set new weight loss goals for myself. As of right now (and based on the fact that when I weighed myself two weeks ago I was 167) my short term goal is to be 158 by November 11. That's four(ish) weeks to lose 9 pounds. It's a mildly aggressive goal, but definitely one that I'm capable of accomplishing. My long term goal is a bit trickier. Right now I've got it set at 145 lbs by January 9^th 2012 (my 30^th birthday). The tricky part is that I don't know if 145 is going to be too thin for me. So we'll have to see how it goes and adjust accordingly.

ALSO: (after a little bit more research) I am 99% sure that I'm going to rejoin the gym. The only thing that I need to find out is if there is a grace period for dropping your enrollment without paying the fee. Basically I just want to make sure that my foot isn't going to crap out on me again. I have faith that it will be fine. I've walked and jogged many miles in my Vibram Five Fingers (shoes) without any complaint from my stupid tailor's bunion, so I don't see why it would be any different if I'm hoofing it on the treadmill, or pumping away on the elliptical. So if I can get a couple weeks to try it out before I'm officially locked in then I'm definitely joining back up. It's $20 a month with no start-up fee, plus unlimited tanning (which is such a nice treat during the winter months).

So yes. This is my plan.

This butt = (almost) back on track.

An Award and a Challenge

Lots of news to share with you this morning!
First, I got an award from the lovely and inspirational Sarah over at Fat So Sarah (you should check out her blog). Sarah's blog is one that always inspires and motivates me to get my head back in the game when I get distracted and wander off this whole "getting healthy" path. I love her no bullshit approach to things, for me it's what makes her blog worth following.
Oh yeah, here's the award:

About the award:The Liebster Blog Award is designed to bring additional recognition to those bloggers with less than 200 followers. If you receive the award, you should link back to the blogger that nominated you and nominate five more blogs. (copied from Sarah's blog)

Now I feel a little bit bad because I know I'm supposed to nominate five other blogs, but really the only blogs that I've been keeping up with are Sarah's and Heather's and they've both already got this award. I will do better, and I will post links to new blogs that I come across as I find them. As for right now, just check out Sarah and Heather. Because I said so.

OK! Second, I'm joining a new challenge (run by Sarah) and I'm really excited about it because it combines some really wonderful things: weight loss, exercising, drinking water, Christmas, and (my personal favorite) a new dress!!! The challenge goes like this:

The Christmas Dress Challenge!

1. Buy or find a picture of a dress in a smaller size (the size you're aiming to reach by the end of the challenge) The idea is to buy the dress to use as motivation, but it's not required.
2. On or before Sunday, Sept. 18th, make your first post with a picture of your dress, your starting size & weight and your goal size & weight.
3. Aim for a healthy caloric intake each day
4. Exercise a minimum 3x a week
5. Drink water (not soda, not diet soda, not energy drinks...etc...)

So I haven't found a dress online that I'm absolutely in love with yet, and the dress that I found in the store that I am in love with isn't online anywhere... of course. So what I'm going to do is post my information and keep looking for my dress. I may even find a pattern and make my own!

I'll do a separate post to start the challenge officially.

aaaaandd yeah.... that's it?

I think that's it.

The Beach, That Bitch.

I'm going to skip the excuses about why I've been neglecting my fat little word baby, no point in wasting even more of your time, right?

Right.

So let's just get control of our emotions and move on, shall we?

For the past several weeks I've been floating around between 30 and 37 pounds lost. I'm okay with that for now because I've been so busy with starting school and everything that I haven't been tracking calories or exercising. The recent halt in weight loss is tolerable because I've been alternating between stressing out really hard over school and money, and then going away on fabulous weekend vacations to Maine to deal with it all. My summer has been awesome, and that's way more important to me than hitting the September goal I had set for myself (I was supposed to be down another 15 lbs by the end of this month – SO not happening!).

But anyways!

Here's something weight loss related that I have been doing!!

Subject: The Beach. Focus: The Love/Hate Relationship.

I love the beach. I mean I really love the beach. I love lying in the sun, I love getting knocked nearly unconscious by the waves, I even love the obscenely cold water off the New England coast. Now for things that I hate: bathing suits, people who bury their cigarette filters in the sand, and parents who don't kick some sand back into the grave-like holes that their children dig so that when you're walking along not paying attention you run the risk of falling to your death.

Here's the eternal question: How much skin can I show without causing my sand neighbors to pack up their umbrellas and leave in total disgust?

My own personal answer to this question has pretty much always been shorts and a tankini top- not super effective for tanning but I'd rather be comfortable than tan. BUT NOW, in this brand new world *insert the love theme from Aladdin here* of not being a super Fatty Mcfatfat, the alternate dimension where I'm almost 40 pounds lighter, and at least 4 sizes smaller than I'm used to being, I'm finding that maybe – JUST MAYBE- there is some light at the end of the pasty skinned tunnel.

Skin tunnel sound really dirty to anyone else...?

Anyways, I did it. I put on my big girl underpants (the metaphorical ones, the real ones wouldn't fit under my bathing suit) and I went to the beach ...in....a......BIKINI.

Yeah that's right. I said that word. And you know what, so what if the skin above my knees hasn't seen the sun since 1989, and so what if I really should've been doing weight training/muscle toning exercises along with my cardio... that just means that I will have to wait a little while longer to fulfill my lifelong dream of donning a ridiculous yellow/white wig and doing the Pam Anderson Baywatch run down the beach. Ce la vie.

I've always thought the same thing when I go to the beach, and maybe you do too. I see some broad with a pot belly, a bakery's worth of rolls, or a big dimply ass just rolling around the beach in a bikini like a great white whale as if she doesn't have a care in the world and I think to myself, “Why can't I be that delusional? Why do I care so much about not visually assaulting the entire coastline?”

But now, maybe there's some overdressed, pale, uncomfortable chubby girl out there thinking the same thing about me.

And that's pretty awesome.

Oh what's that? You don't believe me? You want some proof?

Ok. You asked for it.

Retying the strings after a wave nearly stole my bottoms.

And now the other side.... after showing the whole beach my butt crack.

I have no excuse for what I'm doing, including the face I'm making.

The End.

Hey You Guys

I've been bad, I know this... you don't have to rub it in.
You see, what happened was that summer got here and the challenge was over, so it was time to have some fun and not think so much about weight loss and blah blah blah... Also, I started school a couple weeks ago and it's turning out to be SO MUCH MORE work than I was expecting it to be. I knew it would be a lot, but you never truly appreciate the gravity of a situation until you're in it right? So I've been working, doing homework, and going on vacation in Maine whenever possible. I've been very busy.

As far as dieting and all that... I've been slacking. I'm not afraid to admit it. Today was the first time I've done any sort of calorie tracking since the 2nd challenge ended. I've been having some issues with my back, and I would like to blame my lack of exercising on that, but truthfully I wouldn't be doing it anyways.

BUUUT
there is some good news. I haven't gained any weight back. It's true that I haven't been counting calories or exercising, but I haven't been eating crap. I have a pretty good idea now of what is good and what isn't, so I've been paying attention to what I'm eating just without really obsessing about it. So far it's worked out, but I do want to get remotivated. I've got 15 pounds left to lose before I hit my "goal" weight. I say it like that because I'm not quite sure how much more I have to lose before I'm happy. I look at myself now and while yes I do see a big change, I also see what looks like a bit more than 15 more pounds that needs to get gone. You never know though, because I also really need to get back into exercising and I think I'll be rejoining Planet Fitness soon. I need to do more weight training and whatnot. I'm thinking about doing a 6 Week Butt Challenge. I'm not really sure how it works (because I just made that up), but basically I want to focus on that area (because it is still quite grande) and see what sort of transformation I can manage. It'll give me something new to focus on. Not just the overall weight loss and being healthy, but a specific area that I'm not super thrilled about, that I can closely track.

Anyone have any good ideas for butt shaping exercises? I know that when I was going to the gym before I was using the elliptical a lot and I definitely saw a big change in the "wagon I'm draggin".

I am attempting to get back into blogging. I do have a lot of other work right now, so it won't be so frequent, but I promise to try. Also, I've got another blog already all planned out and mostly written, but it needs pictures and I can't find the cable to get the pictures off my camera...so until then...

How are you guys doing?